When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
