trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize