Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
