Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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