I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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