the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize