I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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