I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Randomize
