I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
