May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
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