you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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