So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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