I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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