Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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