you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
