I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Randomize
