Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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