Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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