I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
