i wish semen tasted like chocolate
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
