i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
