Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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