I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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