those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
