my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
