My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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