I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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