just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Randomize
