Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
