Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
