I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
