He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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