Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
