I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
