Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
