Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
