Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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