We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
