we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
