good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
These tits shall not be calmed
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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