Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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