so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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