The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
