WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
