yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
