He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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