The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i now understand why vodka
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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