Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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