So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You need Xanax blowdarts
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
