i permit you to call me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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