The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
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