and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
