laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Someone signed my nipple.
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