Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
