I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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