I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
