Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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