There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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