i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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