Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
