Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
