I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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