We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
