I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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