Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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