This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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