Me too!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
