Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
