Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize