We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
