so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
