I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
