Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
